I’m a twin mama of 16 year old, identical boys.  I did, indeed, survive the toddler stage with my boys but there were days I dreamed it would never end. Now they are driving and finishing up the final requirements to become Eagle Scouts.  While I have many anecdotes of that time, this one has always been a favorite. 

They were 2 years old and I sincerely thought I would never leave my house with them again…. 

What started out as a quick trip to town to pick up a new double jogging stroller ended up with Zachary beating his head on the floor of Target and Andrew wetting his pants not once, but TWICE!

Dad was at work and I was in prep mode for the twins’ first trip to Disney.  I decided to go to Dick’s Sporting Goods to pick up a new double jogging stroller after I’d spent the last three hours on the phone calling EVERY single place in town trying to find one. All was fine and as we were pulling into the parking lot Zachary started yelling “pee pee potty, mommy, hurry, mommy, hurry.” So, of course, I park in the first spot I can find, and we go running in the store, me holding both of my 35 lb boys. I yell at the guy at the first register to tell me where the closest potty is and of course it’s in the far back right corner. Andrew won’t hold on and Zachary is steadily SCREAMING “pee pee potty, mommy, hurry, mommy!”  We finally make it to the ladies’ bathroom and my good boy does indeed go potty.

Crisis averted. 

Then, we head back to the front of the store to get a buggy. Well, no one can walk on their own, apparently, so I’m carrying all 70 lbs again. We find the buggy and Andrew realizes that he is controlling the automatic door (this is the first time they’ve realized they could open the door) so he doesn’t want to get in the buggy. I bribe him into the buggy with promises of finding a ball. Well, we are in a sporting goods store so you can easily imagine how many balls we did find and ALL of them ended up in the buggy. I foolishly decide to try on a quick pair of shoes since they are happy with their balls, and they decide to play catch even though I adamantly told them that we don’t throw balls in the store.

While I’m crawling on the floor to dig balls out from under racks, they continue to throw them at me….in case you haven’t noticed yet, I have NO control at all. 

At this point I decide it’s probably time to go. We get to the register and I REFUSE to buy TWO TEN DOLLAR balls, but will buy the $2 ones. They go nuts but decide the must have these two boxes of mints that are shaped like, you guessed it, balls. So, we get those, but I won’t let them open them. MELTDOWN!!! Zachary flips out. The nice employee is helping me to the car with the stroller and just looking at me like I have demon spawn with me. 

I finally get the kids, the shoes, and the stroller in the car and call my friend, Kerri, who I had intended to meet at Target and told her that there was no way we were going into another store! I’m pulling out of the parking lot and Andrew starts saying “pee pee, mommy, hurry!” I wanted to scream!!! But instead, I quickly cut across the parking lot to Target and threw my kids in the buggy for our next trip to the bathroom. Of course, Zachary is flipping out because I still won’t open the mints for him. We sprint to the potty and Andrew does indeed go potty, but Zachary spills half of his mints on the floor of a public bathroom! We finally get those picked up, get everybody’s hands cleaned and get back in the buggy.

At this point, all are happy again, so I decide to look for a second. Another HUGE MISTAKE. 

All is well for a while and we do in fact see Kerri and her son Mason, let me correct….Zachary saw Kerri and started screaming “Kerri, Kerri, Macy, Macy.” We did some looking at toy clearance and virtually everything in the store is in our buggy (the path of least resistance). We let them hold things and then gradually put them back up as we walk along. Anyway, things are ok and then Andrew says “uh-oh, pee pee.” I assured him that I wasn’t angry, and it was fine. I started to pull his pants down to just change him there and then he REALLY peed. It was great. He began to get upset so I assured him that all was fine. We changed into our “Incredibles” undies which we have to wear backwards because that’s the only way we can see the picture and I get the pee cleaned up. Again, all is well (relatively speaking) now and we look like serious white trash. My kid is running around with his undies on backwards with no pants on and two different shoes. Oh, I forgot to mention that they were each one wearing a brown and a black croc shoe.

Again, I have NO control.

So not long after the pee pee in the buggy incident, Kerri and I decide to try to leave the store. Zachary refuses to let go of the $15 Thomas the Train toy even though I have the exact SAME one in my purse already and even though I offered him EVERY OTHER TRAIN in the store, he wouldn’t give. So, at the register, we throw a monster tantrum including beating our head on the floor (while in mis-matched shoes) while Andrew stands by in his backwards underwear and his mis-matched shoes. Needless to say, I carried him screaming to the car. Well, I turn the DVD player off because they are going nuts and kicking each other between the car seats. We honestly had not been in the car 5 minutes and Zachary is crying so hard he can’t even breathe and he starts saying “pee pee, mommy, hurry!”

I pull out of the road construction line I’m in and get mean eyes from the flag holder and pull into an apartment complex with a dumpster. We quickly get his pants down and I tell him to aim for a rock. He does and pees like a big boy. Well, we get back in and Andrew is saying “pee pee” with a sheepish grin. I said no because he’d just peed in the buggy, and start to drive. He points down and is peeing. So, I slam on breaks, throw it in Park and grab him out of the car. I tell him to aim for the same rock, but he’s all done at that point. The “Incredibles” undies are wet and so is his car seat, so I have to change him again. Well, all I have left is a generic blue pair of underwear. Of course he doesn’t want them and is screaming “Lightening McQueen” at the top of his lungs (the pair of undies he wanted). I get him in the blue underwear and put him back in the wet car seat. I get back in and pull back onto the road. Not even one minute later I look back and both babies are sleeping soundly.

Did I mention that I HAVE NO CONTROL?!

I often go back and read this story so I can remember that season of life.  Today my tiny twins are tiny no more.  They can drive themselves to the store, both are taller than their mom, and so much smarter than me too.  During the toddler days I often hid in the bathroom for a moment of silence and prayed for that season of life to hurry up and pass.  Now, I’d give anything at all to go back to being able to carry those babies in my arms and even the “Lightning McQueen” undies.  The days are indeed so long, but the years are short.  

Written by Jennie Hensarling